Thank-o-meter

Cultural differences between oriental and occidental societies are well known and expressing gratitude through explicit thanking is one such area of difference.

European and North American societies exhibit an all pervasive tendency to thank family, friends and strangers for the most trivial of the matters which grates Indians — or at least me — in two ways. One, it reduces act of thanking to mere perfunctory ritual rather than heartfelt recognition of gratitude received because it becomes difficult to recognize true thanking to courtesy thanking. Two, it embarrasses me to receive profuse thanking for task which I don’t consider worthy of gushing praise bestowed on me. One English colleague at my firm, for instance, once asked me for “a very very big favour” by asking me to explain her how many thousands were in a lakh. I am often at loss to even respond to such overwhelmed dose of expressed thanking.

Asian societies, on the contrary, are more cautious in thanking and when done, it is almost always to strangers. In fact, a good yardstick to measure how close one is in personal circle of thank-er is to notice for what and how often one is thanked. A close friend or family member never expects to be thanked and some even take offence at thanking. Even strangers are thanked for things more substantial than mere getting out of the way on footpath. This, naturally, comes out to West as rude and ungrateful behaviour.

Those of us educated and exposed to Western culture are pushing thanking in Indian social interaction to same extent. While thanking someone for efforts he put into helping you is desirable social mannerism, anything done in excess loses its meaning as happens on the other side of the Earth. What we need is moderate amount of thanking and thanking from heart for things for which thank-er is really thankful about. What we need is thank-o-meter™!

Thank-o-meter is each individual’s personal cumulative counter of thanks he received and thanks he gave throughout his life. Because thanking someone will decrement thank-o-meter reading, one would do so only when meant genuinely and when other’s effort are substantial enough and worthy of a thank. This will obviously increase value of thank to receiver as well. Because one will be able to thank only when he has positive balance of thanks, he will have to earn thanks through efforts before he can spend them.

Implementation of this scheme can only be undertaken by God for He only has such scalability and omniscience required for this project. Implementation details such as initial stock of thanks can be worked out. What may happen is that some miser may stop handing out thanks or some other start hoarding them. Thanking in return of cash gift would be equivalent to selling thank-o-meter readings. Humankind may end up deciding price of a efforts in units of thanks which will be function of demand (low during natural disaster) and supply (high during charity event) and may work much like today’s forex market (and can possibly be traded).

From Milan to Gulshan

An envelope. That’s what begins and ends this story.

They say, coincidence is the biggest player making one’s life’s biggest decisions. Nothing could be truer.

It started with a regular white 4’’x10’’ office envelope. The envelop, like others, contained two printed A4 sized sheets — one with bio-data and other with horoscope, and her photograph.

It ended with an ornate hay coloured envelope proclaiming their marriage and inviting others to join the occasion.

Incidents in between, spanning over 18 months, are riddled with numerous twists of fate, intervention of luck, sweet nothings, months of courtship, love of life and memories of lifetime. Each encounter, each gesture, each dialogue could be made into an essay. Such shall not be attempted because my attempts to include even one in this post left me in trance and unable to phrase. This whole story though flashed before me in excruciating detail right at the moment my fingers smeared red vermillion in her hair partings. From first meeting at “Milan” restaurant to forever bonding at “Gulshan” marriage garden — an era has changed.

The end of the beginning and the beginning of the end

Starting now, I am a family man.
And “uncle”.
And among set of people who have tasted proverbial laddoo.
And can empathize with, and not merely laugh at, marriage jokes.
And will live longer.

Starting now, I cannot sleep till noon.
Or skip meals.
Or not shave for days.
Or leave my room cluttered.
Or wear same shirt for fourth consecutive day.
Or ogle at beautiful ladies.
Or watch porn (as frequently).

And my wife is awesome (she is watching over).

Wish me luck. I am marr(i)ed!

Rupees ten thousand per life, only

There was a news couple of days ago about a couple committing suicide along with two children and a neighbour because they couldn’t pay 50,000/- fine imposed by caste panchayat. While such locally imposed caste laws are bane of the society, what had me thinking was the meagre sum involved. Naturally, half-a-lakh rupees was not meagre for people concerned who couldn’t think of anything else but to kill themselves, but this is not large amount for many people like us. Well, not trivial enough to throw away, but trivial enough to save five human lives. I wondered if somehow one would have known about it before they decided to die, he could have saved them — and he need not be doing any charity.

What if I pay off their loan and in return they work for me for free for one full year? I will be paying 60,000 (+lodging+boarding) for five members (and three working adults) for 12 months thereby effectively paying 1700/- per month per person which is less than market rate for full time servant. This, of course, is win-win for both since however substandard their life would have been with me at subsistence wages, it is still better than alternative of death. Two questions come to my mind: how would have I known about it, and whether they would have accepted this proposal?

Second question is a tricky one. From my point of view, proposal is bargain for them because I’d be willing to work for free and easily for more than one year if alternative is suicide. However, once I pay the sum, there is no incentive for them to stick to their commitment however great generosity I might have bestowed upon them, except moral obligation and gratitude to the benefactor. Unfortunately, humans have horrible track record in honouring their commitments. Ideally, I’d expect them to be forever thankful to me, but practically, I’d have fears that they will rob my house and run away very next day I kept them. Somehow, that is all possible. This possibility, real in my mind, could be reason enough for me not to make that proposal in the first place, unless I am willing to forego the money without expecting any return. Such situations are not uncommon in Indian society where people dying of cold or hunger or inability to repay loans is regular news. A donation of 50/- could have saved that life, if only, donor and sufferer had known in advance.

Am I being paranoid? Do you think proposal would have been accepted? What are the risks?

Happiness in five rupees

One hand precariously holding on the handrail above me and other arm, sometimes, wrapped around the sidebar. Feet either rested on foot rail or freely dangling. Face facing the oncoming traffic and receding away from it. Wind roughing the oiled and combed hairs into a dry mess. Thighs pulled together to balance the polybag containing roasted groundnuts and other hand attempting to peel few of them singlehandedly, losing few seeds occasionally to road, to toss in my mouth. Torso huddled along with three more co-passengers. Balancing myself through speed breakers and sharp turns on a thin plank of wood serving as my seat.

This thirty-minutes five-rupees journey from IFFCO Chauk to Sector 54 in Gurgaon on the back of shared auto-rickshaw gave me more pleasure than anything else I’ve encountered in recent years. And trust me, I’ve fairly many things to compare it against. [Image source]

Strange connections

When I tinker with my eyes, as in when I am trying to put on contact lenses, specially when it takes longer than usual and my eyes become watery, why does my nose start running too?

Why do I cough when digging in my ear using an ear stick?

Why does sneezing makes me momentarily deaf?

Why are there such strange connections between two unrelated parts of the body? What are other examples?

Edit 30/04/2010: See comments for some asnwers.

Surcharge on vegetarianism

If you are an Indian and a non-vegetarian, you should probably stop reading now, because I am going to write about you.

India is a vegetarian’s paradise. It is perhaps only country in the world where vegetarianism is culturally and religiously ingrained, unlike other countries where it is outcome of personal choice usually later in life. Those not familiar with Indian history of vegetarianism often find surviving on meatless diet impossible and it is not uncommon to find doctors in western countries proscribing pure vegetarian diet for pregnant women, a notion amusing at the least. Inclination to meat eating is growing in India alongside average affluence of urban generation. Religious apathy, consumerism and emphasis on instant gratification probably also have something to do there. That said, about one-third of Indian population remains lacto-vegetarian and no food service provider can ignore them. In an interesting cross-cultural business mishap story, when KFC tried to position itself as pure non-vegetarian restaurant, it saw its sales low and stagnant. That even one vegetarian person in the group of people can veto a going to KFC for eat-out was the reason behind this otherwise successful chain not taking off in India. They ultimately introduced limited set of vegetarian options to reduce the barrier to entry.

Eating out remains a group and social activity in India and in a group of people there are bound to be few vegetarians. Vegetarians almost always suffer small economical loss every time they go on group lunches or dinners. This is because (1) meat always costs more than vegetables in Indian menu, and (2) group usually splits the bill equally. Thus, vegetarians always subsidize their non-vegetarian brethren. While difference can be substantial within single bill itself, none speaks lest he be cast ‘cheapskate’ by others. This difference compounds over life and ends up being surcharge on being friendly to animals. Group that benefits from this subsidy will naturally not protest against it — not necessarily intentionally but possibly because thought never occurred to them — though it is surprising that no non-vegetarian has even raised an issue or questioned this practice even once in my twenty five years of experience involving numerous such meals. On the other hand, few vegetarians have confessed silently this systematic bias to me occasionally.

It is not that I want accounting done to minute detail but elephant in the room is worth acknowledging. Of course, writing about this might makes me ‘cheapskate’ to others but then, truth will have those it hurts trying to mock or curb it.

Edit 30/04/2010: As some commentators point out, same surcharge applies in case of alcohol consumption as well.

A classic love story

Like any love story, boy and girl are passionately in love with each other. Like any classic love story, their parents don’t approve of this.

I’ve seen it happen at least three times and I’ve heard about it about double the number of times and story is always the same. Parents do come around and accept the proposed nuptial after rounds of persuasion, cajoling and threatening — assuming that the couple didn’t choose to go ahead anyway, not at least right away. And Indian couple do attempt to bring families together for marriage because despite choosing to find their partner themselves, they still believe in marriage as relationship between two families. There is a catch, of course. One parent is the most difficult one to please: he is (almost) always father of the groom. Question is, why?

I don’t wonder why parents oppose love based or inter-caste unions. Answer is obvious, even if conservative and prejudiced. I do wonder, however, among four parents, why must it be father of the groom?

We can rule out two women quickly, because, as mothers they usually don't care for social rules over happiness of their wards. They might not like it — in fact, they might feel cheated of their right and dream to choose their daughter- or son-in-law — but they accept anyway. They might need to be persuaded but gentle stream of tears is enough to melt their hearts. They might be angry but that doesn’t stop them from blessing the couple.

Among the two gentlemen, though, debate becomes tougher. Girl’s father has many reasons to be angry. He is going to lose his reputation in the community if he gives away his daughter to another community. There is larger tag of shame on his name as his daughter rescinds his caste and joins another. There is a danger that his way of life may not prevail, that traditions will not be continued and that daughter might change her name and her habits to something despicable in his caste (viz. may cook, or worse, eat meat). Boy’s father, on the other hand, has less reasons to be antagonized. He is gaining a member to his community and symbolically winning over other caste by stealing its woman. His way of life and traditions are guaranteed to prevail. New member of the household may not be conversant with the traditions of his house but can be taught and moulded accordingly. So far, we’ve listed reasons to be affronted and found that girl’s father has more and hence must be more outraged. Why, then, the anomaly?

If we turn around and question who can afford to be angry we obtain different answer. This, clearly, must weigh more for we observe this. If couple elopes, then girl’s family suffers much more social dishonour than boy’s family. This risk defines who can afford to be offended and not who has reasons to be offended.

In all three cases, wedding was organized only by girl’s family and boy’s family boycotted it completely. Couple, after months and years of cajolery, had to give up trying to join two families. Some still hope: some day. Your take?

Books you should read

Ideally, I’d like to review books I read, particularly those I loved. However, I almost always don’t go beyond short excerpt at my online catalogue and hence here I take this opportunity to list all English books I really really loved so far and count among my top recommendations. You may, of course, go through whole catalogue of 116 books to pick other favourites and read more detailed review at librarything.

• Fiction
  • Interpreter of Maladies by Jhumpa Lahiri is one of the excellent collections of short stories with vivid narrative and appropriate tug of heart.
  • To Kill a Mocking Bird by Harper Lee is a classic which needs no introduction. Read it for deep dive into difference between good and evil and high dose of cathartic emotion.
  • Cosmicomics by Italo Calvino binds science with imaginative fiction to come up with most strangest set of science fiction stories.
• Non-fiction
  • The Code Book by Simon Singh is a fascinating tale of evolution of coding and decoding interspersed with stories of people involved, incidents that changed the world and mysteries that still remain unsolved.
  • The Story of My Experiments with Truth by Mahatma Gandhi is an autobiography everyone must read irrespective of whether you agree with him or not. Not because it tells you about one of the greatest man ever lived but because it tells you what makes greatness.
  • Logic of Life by Tim Harford is among my must read books for every person for it introduces one the most important subject of Economics which governs pretty much whole world and interactions within.
  • Surely, You are Joking Mr. Feynman! by Richard P. Feynman is book which completely changes the way you would want to live your life. Even though author is noble winning Physicist, book almost brushes past Physics to introduce a character you don’t want to forget.
  • Why Men Don’t Listen and Women Can’t Read Maps by Allan Pease is perhaps one book you may be surprised to find here among list of intellectual books. I, however, found this indispensible in understanding many things and living life a little less confused. Don’t take everything as gospel and you’d be fine.
  • A Short History of Nearly Everything by Bill Bryson is one book you can give to a teenager and expect him want to become scientist. If all important scientific discoveries of the world since dawn of time are rolled into a paperback, you’d have this book.

60 hours without food

More because I was bored and because I wanted to do something exciting with my body — I’d always imagined that I’d want to subject my body to limits such as starvation, thirst and exhaustion (not simultaneously) just to see what happens and whether I can do it, particularly after reading days long hunger strikes of popular leaders — than really intending to lose weight, I decided to go on crash diet for three days. I chose a simple one: only warm water with honey and lemon for three days and nothing more. I eventually didn’t continue third days but not because I was feeling hungry or weak. In fact, my experiment surprised myself so much that I didn’t feel any particularly different that I delayed writing about it so far, because, there wasn’t anything to write about.

After a moderate dinner night before, I went through first day on 4-5 helpings of water+honey combos without feeling much twist in my stomach. After momentary hunger pang at lunch time, which I would have felt any other day as well when I delayed my lunch, I was perfectly okay well up to the night. That night, I did feel little difficulty in falling asleep and my stomach kept me awake for one hour before letting me slip in to land of dreams. Next day, surprisingly, was better. I went through whole day without as much as pang of hunger and had a peaceful sleep the next night too. I could have easily continued for the third day, or even longer, before my body starts giving hints of starvation, but I didn’t. Particularly because I knew getting back to routine would take time and I didn’t want my first meal to be on work day (Monday) where my luncheon menu is less healthy and beyond my control. My break-fast was light, as required, and by the dinner time I was back to my original routine. My physical activities during past two days were normal and didn’t include huge acts of physical exertion.

Only thing this experiment has taught me is that I feel no difficulty in not eating for two days straight and that I should try even longer time frame next time if I really wanted to stretch limits of my body.